One of the most problematic beliefs that comes from the spiritual industry is that everything is your fault.
If you’re not happy enough, successful enough, or in love enough, then it must because you’re not thinking the right thoughts.
Or you’re not raising your vibration high enough to attract what you really want.
Or you’re just not putting in the work to be who you want to be.
Sometimes there are things that are holding us back that we did not – and would not – choose for ourselves.
For years, I struggled with crippling shyness when I was growing up. It held me back from opportunities that I desperately wanted – but I couldn’t bring myself to be the way I wanted to be.
But that shyness wasn’t just mine. It was part of a coping mechanism that I’d developed over the years, and it was a behaviour that I’d been programmed to adopt into my identity.
The environments I’d grown up in had told me that girls should be quiet, nice, and polite. When I had a problem, I was told not to say anything about it, because I was also raised in environments where perfection was the aim.
Not necessarily for aesthetic purposes, but because perfection was so much easier to deal with. If everything is perfect, then the adults don’t have any extra work to take on.
And when things did go wrong – as things inevitably do – I was told never to tell anyone. But this put me in a position to carry around big secrets, and also made it really hard for me to relate to anyone on a personal level because I didn’t know how to communicate openly or intimately.
Would it cause a conflict if I shared something?
Would something bad happen if I shared my opinion?
Would I be unsafe if I was able to say anything at all?
Eventually, I learned to separate myself from the ways I’d been taught to be.
And in the process of doing that, I started to salvage the parts of myself I was always meant to be.
To find myself, I had to unlearn some of the ways I’d been taught to be. I had to deprogram my thinking in order to find out who I really was underneath everyone else’s rules, opinions, and ideas.
Which is why it’s important not to fall for the generalities in spiritual culture that say everything comes down to you, the individual.
Because sometimes it’s not you – it’s society.
The world we live in plays a role on shaping our identities. Political climates, family dynamics, community atmospheres, and experiences that are outside of our control all have some kind of influence on who we are.
What we choose to do with it all is up to us – and that’s where we can gain some control.
But sometimes, it’s hard to separate yourself from the outside world. I’ve often asked myself, “Where do I begin, and where does everything else end?”
This is where tarot can come in handy. In my work as a tarot reader, I’ve found that tarot is incredibly powerful to help you uncover your true identity and start to decondition any beliefs, attitudes or patterns that have been imposed upon you.
1. Think of the bigger picture in a tarot reading. Society, workplace policies, the economy, and more can all play a role in someone’s personal journey.
2. Remember that while we have free will as individuals, we also have to operate within frameworks that can influence us in countless ways.
3. Consider that our identities, spirits, and personal paths are things that may need to be recovered or reclaimed along the way. We sometimes have to hide our true selves in order to adapt or cope within certain situations that push us to conform or suppress who we are.
Looking beneath the surface of life can be the beginning of deprogramming some old, unnecessary beliefs or behaviours.
Tarot can help you take control of your narrative and your healing. I can show you how in my advanced course, Tarot for Self-Recovery and Reclamation.
This program teaches you how to tarot to help people uncover and reclaim their identities against a sea of uncontrollable factors. It gives you the tools to make readings deep, personal, and highly transformative without losing sight of the bigger pictures we are all up against.
Until next time,